To make her happy will make him happy. She is to follow him as he follows and obeys the Savior of the world, but in deciding this, she should always be sure she is fair.” . In my work as a marriage and family counselor, I have observed that rejection of or withdrawal from intimate relations in marriage generally occurs when those qualities are absent and selfishness sets in. Make their will your central desire. Paul’s teachings clearly teach otherwise. There might be cases today in which individuals should not marry, but it is not the general rule, and the principle of not marrying is not the doctrine of the Church now any more than it was in his day. . Similar counsel was given to Titus (see Titus 1:6). when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, . take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, and give occasions of speech Romans 7:1-3 says, Knowing what he did about the doctrine of celestial marriage and exaltation, it is unthinkable that he would have counseled against marriage, except in some peculiar circumstance. Love is cleanliness and progress and sacrifice and selflessness. But from the New Testament record itself is there evidence that would support that conclusion? However, since his teachings on marriage are found in a number of passages, we will find it necessary to look at them as well, though they only bear upon the subject indirectly. Grant Building Paul’s answers include what Christ said about marriage and additional apostolic teaching as well (I Corinthians 7:1-40). He said, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (emphasis added). [What should I do about it? Brigham Young University (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1966), 242; see also McConkie, Mortal Messiah (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1980), 3:294–95; Spencer W. Kimball, “The Blessings and Responsibilities of Womanhood,” Ensign, March 1976, 71; Ezra Taft Benson, Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1988), 534. (Apostolic exhortations are different from encyclicals, which do focus on doctrine.) These vows are made before God. The Saviors and our submissiveness was (and still is) complete and unconditional. shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to marry someone else. Is it right to divorce and remarry? from her husband; but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be He designed romantic desires with their fulfillment in marriage. Church Literature | For example, to the Saints in Rome Paul explained that any man who would use counsel, such as that given in Ephesians 5, to justify unrighteous or domineering acts would be guilty of misusing the truth and therefore changing it into a lie (see Romans 1:18–25). . . . Both can be perfectly trusting of the other if both have proven to be perfectly trustworthy, which is possible because the seeds of benevolence have been sown between them. That is made clear in the Joseph Smith Translation (JST) of the first two verses which read: “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me, saying, It is good for a man not to touch a woman. They each must come unto Christ through personal repentance and be determined to let the Savior be the center of their lives. Many people get married and when something goes wrong, they will get a divorce  In every dispensation since, prophets bearing the holy priesthood have taught God’s eternal plan and have been witnesses to the central nature of marriage and the family in that plan. “For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. Some will say It would be inconsistent for Paul to characterize those who would forbid or counsel against marriage as having departed from the faith if he were himself antimarriage. The husband is as anxious and desirous (if not more so!) Now the 10th and 11th verse will deal with the elders of the city in the gate; and the damsel's father shall say unto the It consists of three elements: First, the head of Christ is God the Father. So these teachings, as well as others Paul gave during his apostolic ministry, are testaments to the favorable feelings he had toward marriage. Second, the head of every man is Christ. reconciled to her husband; and let not the husband put away his wife.". So how do couples break such a cycle? Written By Bishop V. Bush. He gave himself. . They must recognize that they cannot break the cycle on their own. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. Paul’s rationale is further explained in the rest of verse 32 and in verse 33: “I would have you without carefulness [cares or distractions external to the mission]. (London: Latter-day Saints’ Book Depot, 1854–86), 16:247. Nowhere do we find anything but that which edifies, uplifts, comforts, and exalts the Church. It seems plausible that Paul’s zealous determination to strictly obey the totality of the law would have extended to marriage. Christmas. shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath Matthew 5:32, "But I say unto you, that whosoever Thus, it hardly seems likely that Paul’s intent in verse 7 was to encourage divorce or extol widowhood.  David O. McKay, Gospel Ideals: Selections from the Discourses of David O. McKay (Salt Lake City: Improvement Era, 1953), 187. The mind of the spouse begins to wander and the heart begins to stray, thereby allowing Satan to gain greater power to tempt and destroy the marriage. . So, if after children reach the age of accountability, they are being drawn away from the Church by an “unbelieving” parent, would the “believing” parent be justified in seeking a divorce? Effective January 1, 1971. It is interesting that Paul teaches the same idea regarding children and parents. “Such a marriage, I believe, is the desire—the hoped-for, the longed-for, the prayed-for desire—of men and women everywhere.” . shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to Introduction The writing of Paul on the subject of divorce is probably limited to one passage in his letter to the church at Corinth. of forgiveness, of charity, of love, spring from this divine attribute.” . that they put their wife away for committing fornication after they have been He wrote: “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But .  Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. . Fourth, Paul’s teachings on marriage are, themselves, indicative of his conviction to the importance of marriage in God’s eternal plan. “[But], polish your husband as best you can while you have him with you here and then hope that the Lord will continue the process to aid you even beyond the veil.”  President Kimball wisely counseled wives: “No woman has ever been asked by the Church authorities to follow her husband into an evil pit. “Nevertheless, I say, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband” (all Joseph Smith Translation changes in this article are noted in italics). Art thou loosed from a wife? “Brother Brigham,” she said, “my husband just told me to go to Hell. and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto too late. you cannot put away your unsaved wife or husband. But it seems that part of the role and responsibility of a “head” is to lead out.  Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, 143. ]” The Prophet thoughtfully responded: “Well, sister, don’t go.”  “I have counseled every woman of this Church,” Brigham Young taught, “to let her husband be her file leader; he leads her, and those above him in the Priesthood lead him. Some were defending loose sexual standards that were rampant in the notorious city.”  Addressing those inappropriate justifications, Paul teaches the Corinthian Saints in verse 2 that sexual relations between unmarried partners constitute fornication. That is not the truth. “nourish.”. adultery but for fornication only. We could answer “yes” to both questions. It is interesting to note that Paul didn’t say “give of himself.” The Savior did not just give of himself. Customarily, Jewish men and women married between the ages of sixteen and eighteen, although some were as young as fourteen. He said: “I say therefore to the unmarried [i.e., those currently unmarried rather than those never married] and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband." In saying that, we should remember the Lord’s counsel to the Saints living in Jackson County, Missouri, in 1831: “For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward” (D&C 58:26). And the elders of that city . He counseled children: “obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1; emphasis added). . The Sanhedrin, comprising chief priests, scribes, and elders, served as the supreme legislative council and court of justice in Judea. However, President Howard W. Hunter suggested that “the communications revealed that there were factions forming in the branch with different views regarding moral conduct and doctrine.  Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary, s.v. against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and He says, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” In other words, marriage and the intimate relationship within it are joint stewardships in which the two separate entities of husband and wife unite in becoming one complementary whole.  Joseph F. Smith in Journal of Discourses, 26 vols. That is the way Jesus defined it and that is the way we must define it. It is likely that Paul would have wanted to comply with the traditional religious expectation of marriage. Yet, our teens experience a unique challenge when it comes to working through loss. In Heavenly Father’s plan it takes two complementary halves—a man and a woman—to make a man or a woman and to form a unified, interlocking whole. . Total Fidelity after Marriage. Original Design.  See, for example, Spencer W. Kimball, Marriage and Divorce: An Address (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1976), 7; Ezra Taft Benson, “The Great Commandment—Love the Lord,” Ensign, May 1988, 5–6. Only when a child begins to become accountable at the age of eight (D&C 29:47) and chooses to violate gospel law can he become unholy. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;. Hebrews fornication. of the Apostolic Faith-Dallas, TX © 2004, This has been except it be for fornication", is, if a man marries a woman with the intention of marrying a virgin, and she . Paul’s most pivotal teachings on the subject of marriage are found in 1 Corinthians 7, 1 Corinthians 11, and Ephesians 5. You cannot get into the kingdom of God in adultery. The Savior’s role, in partnership with the Father, is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man, to be the savior of the body of the Church—for those who repent and come unto Christ (see D&C 10:67). Yes. 6 the way for two central chapters dedicated to love. . . maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her; and, lo, he will judge." It would seem so. Just as married partners are not for others, they are for each other.”  Paul’s counsel to married couples is that they not depart nor abstain from sexual intimacy except by mutual consent or mutual agreement, and then only for brief periods of time lest they be tempted for their incontinency. be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” In reference to young widows, Paul wrote: “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Timothy 5:14). Sermons | . So if you got His teachings on the subject of marriage represent significant contribution to our standard works. . Other New Testament scholars have suggested that at the time this counsel was given Paul was either widowed or divorced. Summarizing Paul’s counsel in Ephesians 5, President Benson said: “That is the model we are to follow in our role of presiding in the home. What Jesus meant when He said Apostolic Teachings. The Apostle Paul understood and was a witness of those truths. Elder Bruce R. McConkie interpreted Paul’s statement to mean, “I would that all men understood the law of marriage, that all had self-mastery over their appetites, and that all obeyed the laws of God in these respects.” That interpretation would seem to be confirmed by the rest of verse 7: “But every man hath his proper [i.e., his own] gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.” In addition to the spiritual gifts Paul discerned among the Corinthian Saints, he desired that they seek after the gifts of understanding, of self-mastery, and of unqualified obedience to the will of God. President Joseph F. Smith said, “According to the order that is established in the kingdom of God, it is the duty of the man to follow Christ, and it is the duty of the woman to follow the man in Christ, not out of him.”  A humorous anecdote is told from the life of Brigham Young. As head of the wife, the husband is to act in partnership with the Lord in being a savior for the marriage body, comprising husband and wife. scripture is talking to unmarried and widows, not to married people. from the power of darkness” (Colossians 1:13). Paul writes: “Now concerning virgins [those who had never married] I have no commandment of the Lord; yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. . This is only among unmarried people. "If a man  Bruce B. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, 2d ed. Part 1 Grief is always hard no matter the age. Also in Deuteronomy 22:13-19, "If a man Some teach Missionaries and Marriage. adultery." and widows,.....it is better to marry than to burn." You cannot get into the kingdom of God in adultery. Now the 10th and 11th verse will deal with is not a virgin, he can divorce her and marry someone else. else using the scripture in 1 Corinthians 7:9 saying. Through modern revelation, the Prophet Joseph Smith learned that children under the age of eight are unaccountable and hence without sin (D&C 29:47; 68:25). . Students of the New Testament frequently raise the question as to whether or not Paul was ever married. . Some New Testament scholars have used verse 7 as evidence that Paul was never married and thus was advocating a life of celibacy. Could those two statements be followed by “And wives love their husbands because husbands first loved their wives?” Now, certainly we could reverse that and say that husbands love their wives because their wives first loved them. It is a huge desire of most people’s hearts to have a wonderful marriage, but it seems that few attain it. The more a man and a woman love the Lord, the greater will be their capacity to love each other. In fact, Paul described himself as even “more exceedingly zealous” in fulfilling the requirements of the law than were his peers (Galatians 1:14).  Bruce B. McConkie, Doctrinal New Testament Commentary (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1971), 2:345. Marriage may be likened to either the Mosaic or the Abrahamic covenant, because both are covenants. Some teach is, if a man marries a woman with the intention of marrying a virgin, and she The will of the Son was “swallowed up in the will of the Father” (Mosiah 15:7), which was to “bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). At times, their background created disorder within their branches and prompted numerous questions as they struggled to understand what true discipleship entailed. seek not to be loosed. These converts, many of whom were Greek, had been reared in a morally corrupt society and were often undisciplined and self-conceited. Seymour, William J. Would not many of them be able to serve the Lord better with a marriage companion than without?  See, for example, Boyd K. Packer, “Begin Where You Are—At Home,” Ensign, February 1972, 69–74; James M. Paramore, “A Personal Commitment to the Savior,” Ensign, May 1979, 61; Thomas S. Monson, “Hallmarks of a Happy Home,” Ensign, November 1988, 72. —. against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and and marry someone Paul taught. . "But I say unto you, that whosoever . Matthew 5:32 When a marital relationship is characterized by “moral excellence,” kindness, forgiveness, charity, and love, then intimacy—including sexual intimacy—seems to naturally follow. Paul’s clearest statement is but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife (v. 11). Church History | Site Map, The Church of the Lord Jesus Christ “And . Women Preachers "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge."  See, for example, Ezra Taft Benson, “To the Young Women of the Church,” Ensign, November 1986, 82–83; Benson, “To the Single Adult Brethren of the Church,” Ensign, May 1986, 44. “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. If you do, the tempter will drive a wedge between you. . She provides counseling nationwide by phone or web cam. 083 272 9579 / 078 921 3930 The second principle Paul teaches to avoid temptation after marriage is trust. Husband, Wife, Christ, and God. In any event, they are an exception to the law, and do not apply, even as a personal opinion, to others than those involved.”  “It may be that he was referring to some particular persons for whom it would have been unwise to contract marriages. His teachings, including those on marriage, reflect his discernment of the unique needs and concerns of a disparate, changing Church membership and his inspiration regarding the doctrines that should be taught. On one hand, there are multitudes that cannot wait to get into marriage, while on the other hand, there are many who desperately want to get out of it. May the Surely in return, a wife would have little difficulty loving a husband who first loved her. The wife does not fear that her “desire . —. The marriage covenant, President Kimball taught, “presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity. deceives him as such and they get married and he takes her in and discovers she That is what Jesus The author of the letter to the Hebrews declared that marriage should be held in honour among all, and early Christians defended the holiness of marriage against the Gnostics and the Antinomians. The role of a righteous husband, Paul analogizes, is similar. "Know I would suggest that Paul’s counsel to develop benevolence, trust, and commitment is a good place to start.  Additionally, to avoid the problems associated with interfaith marriage prophets today would advise the unmarried, as did Paul, to marry within the faith, lest they be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14; see also D&C 74:5). . Possibly. In that endeavor, he is responsible for his wife and to the Lord. Marriage is presented as a covenant relationship Malachi 2:14 - Malachi speaks about the ‘wife of thy covenant’. the married people. . . First, they must look inward. Let me suggest four compelling evidences. brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel; and she shall be his wife; he It is the motive that prompts us to do good to others and leads us to live our life for Christ’s sake. “For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? We will look first at 1 Corinthians 7. First, in verse 3, Paul suggests that benevolence should be the underlying principle in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. . Eastern Christendom (long before 1054) changed the primitive, apostolic tradition on marriage and divorce – following emperors rather than councils and … Christ meant in Matthew 5:32, 19:9. Paul wrote: “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men; who love not the truth, but remain in unrighteousness, after that which may be known of God is manifest to them” (JST Romans 1:18–19). kingdom of God that way. Paul’s concluding counsel is that men, like Christ, should give themselves. take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, and give occasions of speech .” “Nevertheless,” Paul warned, “such shall have trouble in the flesh.  Richard Lloyd Anderson, Understanding Paul (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1983), 24. Provo, UT 84602 the married people. First, Paul came from a Judaic background (see Acts 21:39; Romans 11:1) wherein marriage was viewed, traditionally, as a religious duty of utmost importance. Pentecostals share a common belief that baptism in the Holy Spirit empowers Christians for service and holy living. A Journey in Preparing for Marriage Proverbs 30:18-19 Romance is cool. if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, His example of discipleship was described by his declaration: “I have suffered the loss of all things and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ. Crucifixion of Jesus Christ. . 2. Members of the Sanhedrin were required to be married and to be fathers, both considered requirements to the development of wisdom and trustworthiness. There must be a forgetting of self and a constant concern for the other.”  The Savior instructed His Twelve Apostles that they were to minister to and be the servant of those they were called to lead (see Matthew 20:25–28). shall take that man and chastise him; and they shall amerce him in an hundred During his ministry in the meridian of times, Paul encountered a Church membership that was changing with the influx of Gentile converts. More likely Paul’s concern here has to do with a husband or wife who rejects or withholds sexual intimacy from the spouse for long periods of time in an attempt to hurt, manipulate, control, or seek revenge. . One of the most intimate and difficult of all human relationships is that of marriage. Having taught the importance of chastity before marriage, Paul counsels members regarding total fidelity after marriage. Subject to the overall power and authority of Peter, the President of the Church at that time, Paul possessed the right, the power, and the authority to declare the mind and will of God to his people. Was Paul counseling married couples to restrain or bridle their passions even for each other? As Catholics, we must be equipped with knowledge in order to stand for truth. If Paul “lived unmarried as a Jerusalem Pharisee,” noted Frederic Farrar, “his case was entirely exceptional.” . adulterers God will judge.". Interfaith Marriage. In fact, it was His love for the Father and His obedience to the Father that made His love for us possible. For he who is unmarried, careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord; therefore he prevaileth.  Howard W. Hunter, “The Reality of the Resurrection,” Improvement Era, June 1969,106. Let's look at this scripture for what it means. Marriage, which is essential to God’s plan of happiness, was instituted among our first parents, Adam and Eve, even before the Fall. Once God's purpose is understood, it will give a better understanding of why God is against divorce and remarriage. “Marriage is honourable in all,” (Hebrews 13:4) Paul wrote, and “neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11). "I say therefore to the unmarried . Paul’s counsel on both issues is found in verse 27: “Art thou bound unto a wife? Yet properly understood, this verse entails one of the most powerful and important concepts ever taught on the subject of marriage. They must be proactive in implementing preventive measures that will keep the cycle from recurring. . There’s a lot of talk these days about the definition of marriage and what the Catholic Church teaches on marriage. Abstinence in marriage can cause unnecessary temptations and tensions. Tutored “at the feet of Gamaliel, and taught according to the perfect manner of the law of the fathers,” Paul became, by his own admission, “zealous toward God” (Acts 22:3). . "It is better to marry than to Yet, we find it to be a most puzzling phenomenon. So you see dear reader, divorce and reader, that is the only way a man can put his wife away and remarry, not for  “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, November 1995,102. Christ of the Apostolic Faith in Dallas, TX. Should he marry before leaving on a mission? Brethren, I say to you with all soberness, He is the model we must follow.” . . . Pope Francis Didn’t Change Church Teaching on Marriage. President Spencer W. Kimball said: “There are many aspects to love in marriage, and sex is an important one. Paul was qualified to speak on marriage. But, as previously enumerated, there is ample evidence to suggest that Paul was, or at least had been, married and was wholeheartedly in favor of the institution. Would divorce be justified then? Note two key points: First, in verses 25–26, Paul addresses those who had never been married and who either had been called or expected to be called to serve as full-time missionaries. I need to flip back to Genesis to uncover the original creative design of marriage. Third, to avoid temptation after marriage, there must be commitment. and Was Jesus willing to submit to the will of the Father in every thing? Covenant relationships are legally binding agreements.  Benson, “To the Fathers in Israel,” emphasis added. Carol Clemans is a Certified Pastoral Counselor (25 years), Bible conference speaker, Christian Life Coach and author. or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:12–14, 16). Temptations often occur during times of abstinence, particularly vengefully imposed abstinence. The Father led out by first loving the Son. and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto . In all cases of divorce, the decision should be made only after careful consultation with priesthood leaders, diligent prayer, and confirmation from the Lord through the Holy Ghost. Marriage may be like the Abrahamic covenant, president Kimball taught, “ what God Hath together. [ 7 ] love each other a most puzzling phenomenon Kimball, head! Way for two central chapters dedicated to love in marriage can cause temptations! Suggest that Paul ’ s intent in verse 7 as evidence that ’! 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